oh wow, it really has been eons since i last updated.
It's kinda disappointing, because I really have seem to have shut down and stopped caring.
My uni applications are left in a tangled mess and I really am filled with apathy to go and sweep it up to go and fix up.
In army, I always thought I could excel but now everything is crumbling and I just do not care.
At least the friends are priceless I guess.
Everytime people asked me when I was going to commission I would give the same "Still long" reply and it is true, OCS has been an incredible mental drain. It is true that all of us have that rank to look forward to but still, keeping yourself motivated is very very hard.
Today, as I stepped into safti as the first day of joint term, its really so surreal as all the shit that we have to take on as cadets are finally behind us.
The girls in uni now will never understand how this is such a big deal for the guys, how all we can talk about at this point of time is commissioning ball and life as an officer. Maybe even the chaokeng guys wont understand.
Watching Wen Hao give the valedictory speech about how we are now standing at the gates of officership has really made me reflect on the long journey I have taken. I remember the depression of BMT, where I felt very bad. I whined and I must have been an unbearable strain to all my friends. I remember breaking up with my girlfriend and thinking I would never be happy again. I remember Sierra wing, where I made so many good friends and suffered with them. I remember bringing wanjing to social night where I had so much fun. I remember brunei where I climbed with 2lt new. I think of signals and how it is so misunderstood by all the other arms. It is really very tough and everyone has suffered greatly. I think of SPITFIRE where me jingsong new and raymond walked and walked and never gave up. I have come of age, I would like to think.
Everytime I talk to people who have yet to enter NS, they tend to ask for the way to get the easiest way out. I always tell them to not do it, because "Two paths diverge in the woods, I took the one less travelled and that has made all the difference." When you suffer you learn how to accept the unreasonable and motivate yourself to go through the trials and tribulations, no matter how bad is it. This is essentially skills that will carry you far in life and hence, at the end of your 2 years you might not believe in the defensive capabilities of this country but at least you have learnt something.
I know my writing is really convoluted and twisted now, but its 1am and I really am just penning down whatever comes into my head.
I heard my posting is some slack 8-5 job, so while i thank god for that, a part of me is really disappointed. I think a part of me wants men under me. I would love to be an inspirational leader to them, moulding them into fine young men. I would love to stand in front of them ,motivating unmotivated people to achieve what they never thought they could. Thinking of my visit to 3signal, a PC said that" cadets are special cause they have the rank to work to; your men only have ORD" The challenge to lead them is something that really appeals to me. I would love to go uni with my men and to hear them tell their friends " This is my officer, and he changed my life" Would have made all the difference.
As I grow and exit my teenage years, it is with sadness that I think of all my old friends; friends that I will probably never meet up again. Friends like sirong edwin jonathan sherri joanne leanne and all from primary school. I know sirong is in delta comandos but the rest i have no clue where they are and it does seem quite sad when we were all such good friends back in primary school. Why can't life be like facebook, where friends made stay that way?
my knee is increasingly rickety and I think I am going to seek medical attention to it next year, where I can get it fixed at taxpayer's expense.
